June 13th, 2011's Hot V-Spot List

by B Condon 2:01 PM

Over my maple-walnut scone and peppermint tea, I'm sharing at least under 10 things that have made me quiver in excitement or  just in annoyance (I'm looking at you Katy Perry!) That should lead into criteria number uno...

An Open Letter to Katy Perry

Dear Katy,

I like you, I do I  like your songwriting for making Darren Criss sound like the Zeus of all things music (of which thank you for putting him in your "Last Friday Night (TGIF)" video), but dear God, woman can't you lessen your personality down by two notches, especially when it comes to your musical elders?

In the May 11th edition of Entertainment Weekly where you and Robyn, your opener for your tour (which in my opinion is completely asinine) have a conversation about music and the tour, although everyone secretly knew it was you interviewing her - you have the audacity to not only do that typical American mindset that "if someone is from a small country, they must know this other person" but also... and I quote... "You've made it" on account of Robyn being excited of catered food on the tour.

Katy, I know you are a few years younger than Robyn but you should realize she walked away from the American scene for those exact consumeristic issues. When you said "You've made it" you pretty much landed your power over her just for being an opener. While I know that may not have been your intention but you really have to be careful when a 90s legend and an Indie inspiration is your opener and is far more experienced than you are and saying shit like that. People will misconstrue that.


(PS: "Last Friday Night (TGIF)" was a great video despite my dislike for you.)

A Perfect Edit Retaliation: Robyn explains her half, not so much the EW entertainment, but the same questions Katy must have been asked but didn't have the class and tact to answer how Robyn did to Mtv. Thank you Robyn for being the bigger woman... I know how it can suck sometimes.

bodyheART Campaign

 Thank God for twitter sometimes - especially the twitter accounts that do more good and abuses the power of post-millenial media like @iamthatgirl who gives out quotes that make women feel good - but not in a random sort of way. @iamthatgirl did one better, (besides a great confidence boost of buying this kickass t-shirt) retweeting an account known as bodyheART, that after some research, is an LA-based educational program for women "devoted to liberating women from their body-punishment prison. Through workshops, coaching & presentations we help women have their best body & live their best life!" (or that's what their facebook says) I'm all for this cause, but y'know I am perfect - maybe - so there's not too much I can take from this other than handing over Madison's "Superwoman" to them and one of the ladies proclaiming a dance party all over my face. Hey, sounds awesome and a little erotic!

 Taryn Manning does "The Manson Girls"

We all know I'm a sucker for covers and Taryn Manning, so when Taryn does something for the upcoming bio-pic based on good ol' Charlie Manson's ladies, I have to listen. While the original intention for the soundtrack was to have strictly 60s originals, Taryn is able to make it sound like it was made in the 60s with the help of Guy Allison of the Doobie Brothers - potiental 60sgasm.

 Michael Cunningham's Autograph

As if I couldn't repeat this story anymore times this week because it never gets old. Saturday was the seventy-fifth anniversary of the University of Iowa's Writer's Workshop and as alums made their way back, as did Michael Cunningham - the author of "The Hours" and who could not be anymore queerling took part in a four person panel on "The Writer as a Public Figure." "The Hours" is in my top 10 so I had to take it and get it signed. I got much more than just it signed, I got my world rocked. Literally. The conversation went as followed although slightly paraphrased and my voice ten times shakier:

Me: "You don't mind if you could... sign.."

Michael: "Oh not at all" (signing) "Are you apart of the writer's workshop?"

Me: "Oh God no I'm a poet but I've already been published a few times without the workshop's help... What was it like snapping back into a postmodernist writing after writing The Hours? Did you find it easier or difficult?"

Michael: "Well I read Virginia Woolf for a year or so; read practically everything - "

Me: "Yeah, I'm a Virginia Woolf geek too..."

Michael: "Go Virginia Woolf geeks! Yeah I just stopped reading her and I just got back to writing in my own language." [On my part, looking back, was a major "ouch" moment]

Me: "Well, what do you think about the future of expressionistic writing like that? Will it make a comeback? Does it come across in your writing classes?" [Michael is now a creative writing professor at Yale]

Michael: "There is something about the beautiful sentence - it'll be back."

And me walking to the back of the auditorium, my mind blown by that simple sentence and crying because I was able to talk about my writing style - which is very underrated and past across in my writing class experiences - so openly with someone who if I had enough time to talk to him, would get it.

And it was just icing on the cake when I was standing with friends at the reception he came through the door and immediately saw me, smiled and waved. AGH! Be still my geeky little heart.

Wolverine vs. Dr. Horrible at the Tony Awards

There is just no words to describe this other than... they both win.

From Beyond the Valley of the Dolls to Lady Gaga

It's a horrifying thing to put Lady Gaga next to the awesomest movie of all time, but I had to for the simple effect that the one thing they both have in common is Roger Ebert's opinion. Personally, I'm all for the semi-dancing bassoon players.

Mr. Popper's Penguins

This would be an otherwise really painful movie if not for their one secret weapon known as the hot old bitch - no not Betty White - but Angela Lansbury. According to the May '11 Entertainment Weekly there was no other woman who could possibly play Mrs. van Gundy. But what about the changes? Mr. Popper is not the poor artist but  a cooperate ladder man who, throughout the course of the movie, revives his relationship with  his kids thanks to CGI penguins. Uhh doesn't this sound a little like The Santa Clause? Hopefully Angela can make this a little watchable because that's the only reason why I'm watching it.