This is a topic I have enough criteria to say... I know what I'm talking about. Yes, I prefer to date and sleep with women-identified women but I don't think culture justifies making a specific market out of romantic comedies made specifically for .. what mainstream culture calls lesbianism, making a mockery out of the beautiful Grecian lifestyle such as the amazing artists and real culture in Lesbos, Greece. But, I made this case already on my website which you are free to view whenever, so here is your shallow top 5 list.
5.
The Four-Faced Liar
Quiet and atmospheric and secretly wishes it was RENT or the culturally accepted lesbian "You've Got Mail", "The Four-Faced Liar" is aptly titled for the Irish Bar where these four (but technically five) 20somethings meet as well as a clock in Ireland where four different clock faces tell a different time, making every person in this movie a total liar and you have no reason to like any of them. And I certainly don't.
1. Molly (played by Emily Peck) is pretty much a dead ringer for Sara Foster in another lesbian favorite "D.E.B.S." and acts like the same oblivious sexually-deprived woman who doesn't know she's going to fall in love with a woman who is just another player. The movie lacks reason and depth why she would fall in love and eventually leave a fiancee who loves her in the way of simply knowing her without passion. She becomes a total asshole to him and runs off with the woman.
2. Bridget (played by Marja Lewis Bryan) is the atypical lesbian of anywhere you don't want to come across - she has no source of femininity until she wants to proclaim love for Peck in the movie, she has every stereotype of every 'bad-girl:" crude, chain-smokes which she passes the gift onto Molly and sleeps with every woman that passes her way mindlessly.
Anything redeemable? The aesthetics of the placement of scenes really do feel like a song, refrains of Bridget and Greg (played by Daniel Carlisle) brushing their teeth together brings you out of the bullshit that is needless straight and lesbian drama, along with Greg's romance with Chloe (Liz Osborn). Another great point is that the movie is not based around a so-called angst of coming out. You don't find Molly crying in the corner over "Oh my God, I like a girl."
There is no gender problem other than Trip's (Todd Kubrak) insecurity. Another brownie point is the fact that the ensemble acting is believable, Bridget and Greg's relationship is hilarious but the dialogue is stale. And, if I may, the Molly-Bridget sex scenes aren't that bad. Watch it for the New Years Eve bathroom scene. The end with the ultimate declaration of love between Molly and Bridget is also wonderful and I love movies that end with subdued reality with a wide open gap.
It's painful but there's a lot more redeemable points than the next four films.
4.
Imagine Me and You
Piper Perabo, for some reason, is considered every woman-who-prefers-women fantasy. I use the word "every" loosely for every woman who has drooled over the photo shoot where she self-indulgently dresses up as Marlene Dietrich's doppelganger from "Morocco." Sacrilege to classic movie fans. Rachel (Perabo) marries Heck (Matthew Goode) but eventually makes friends with Luce (Lena Heady at her least sexiest) who had been their wedding florist. This is one of those angsty coming-out movies that capitalize on just that. The actors lack chemistry but the casting couch was filled out perfectly by Anthony Head (who unfortunately blended in for me to even know he was in it until now) and one of my favorite British actors, Ben Miles of Coupling fame. The only memorable scene is the end is both the carnival scene (but "Penelope's" carnival scene is superior in the sense of mise-en-scene and detail) and trying to find something romantic chasing Luce down a road in London on a packed street.
3.
Go Fish
An interbreed of 90s positivism of feminism and lesbianism, mockumentary montages, ensemble acting and romantic comedy a lot of the mockumentary scenes are done with good intentions but unfortunately fails in what Genevieve Turner (both as writer and actress as Max, you gotta admit, she's beautiful) considers a movie through her 90s muddled mind of being both politically correct and true to herself. She writes her character Camille, or more properly known as flannel and denim clad Max, explains my current love situation: conceptualizing and making up love stories in her mind to validate her sleeping-on-my-friend's-couch existence.
She finds herself hooked up with Ely (V.S. Brodie who plays the stoic and almost more denim-flannel clad than Turner) through a friend although not attracted to her at all. The chemistry between the two is forced but poses questions if a lesbian, who imagines herself a life, should settle for someone she's not all attracted to until through time she realizes she's in love with her. That sends a really poor message, especially to new generations that are changing the definitions about loving with or without gender. Turner had better work in collection 'Fun with Girls' Shorts" with the short film "Hung."
The one redeemable part is the mockumentary montages where it does honor the 90s mindset of excessive validation as well as the use of cinematography and color filters. The film student in me had a shiver over those sexy aesthetics.
2.
Loving Annabelle
You would think only Hollywood loves to remake films but for the sheer fact that an indie production company such as "Big Easy Pictures" would consider making a THIRD remake to what is an anti-fascist storyline in the first place of Christa Winsloe's play from the 30s called "Madchen in Uniform" which broke barriers for its anti-fascist message done in the most cinematic way in its details, covered up by a ground-breaking woman to woman kiss - and never mind one being at least twenty to thirty years older than her. Who wouldn't want to be kissed by Dorothea Wieck? And Hertha Thiele is so beautiful... but I digress as much as I don't want to.
The subtle message of anti-fascism was only masked by the shallow storyline at its forefront in its newest remake and capitalized on the questionable messages of teacher-student love scandals that were common in the news early 2000s. Perfect idea to use a Catholic All-Girls School? We have evidence from "Lost and Delirious" that it can work as long as its kept amongst the students. The other problem is being apart of the canon of angsty lesbian movies that escalate in sexual tension between Annabelle (Erin Kelly) and teacher Simone Bradley (Diane Gaidry) and the sex scene while satisfying to the viewer is because it is a typical woman-to-woman movie ploy that people play into too easily.
Have I mentioned that "Madchen in Uniform" is superior?
1.
It's in the Water
And now the most painful movie in existence. Written in 90s by Kelli Herd with the idea that homophobia can simply be the typical human fear of the other ... no shit. And with that in mind, it seemed only appropriate the most sarcastic phrase which Spencer (John Hallum who has a slight likeness to John C. McGinley), shoots out while slightly drunk and fed up with the typical Texan supremacist attitude in his small town Azalea Springs, as well as distraught over his much older boyfriend dying of AIDS. All the emotions bubble up to the point at a high scale event that causes him to say that the gay man that he is "it's in the water" which calls for panic about the water supply. Water is being shipped into Azalea Springs for everyone is in fear of going gay. There is even a "Homo No-Mo" meetings at the church and the "risk" of an AIDS facility runs rampant.
The solution for unhappily married Alexandria is to go gay after she finds out her best friend from high school, who comes home to work at the facility as a nurse, prefers women. Oh my! Alexandria may like her high school best friend and may harbor same-sex tendencies after having a movie marathon of Desert Hearts, Claire of the Moon (horrible horrible film) amongst others. This is my biggest question about a lot of these lesbian/gay movies, are the movies circumstantial or are they satires of real life? Where does circumstance and social commentary intertwine exactly? I don't even have to list the sins of this movie - clearly it's a satire to not take seriously but still, it's really horrible. If you need a so-bad-it's-kinda-good-movie-but-I'll-hate-myself-for-it, it's this one.
Other movies that are horrible that don't make my shit-list?
Claire of the Moon, A Family Affair, The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love, Kissing Jessica Stein, Puccini for Beginners
" in February. Unfortunately on neither album has her best covers "My Body is a Cage" and a la Air Supply "All Out of Love." Damn.
